When a team that’s historically turned into terrified toddlers at the very name of one particular other team goes 1-for-12 with runners in scoring position, it’s not generally going to go well. Inning-by-inning notes:
1: I don’t know this for sure, and I’m not going to check it, but it feels like Klobberin’ Kody Klemens hits a homerun every Friday, now. Good for him! Although hitting one now means he can’t later (he has a quota) and he won’t be able to stave off the inevitable late-inning Yankee comeback.
Or maybe not the late innings. Trent Gisham strokes a solo dong to right. Incidentally, on both the Clemens and Grisham home runs, radio guy Kris Atteberry called them “pop ups” at first, so maybe the sightlines from the press box at Yankee Stadium are weird. Tied 1-1
2: Royce Lewis has a leadoff double, and the Twins follow thew sabermetric playbook to the letter and have no interest in moving him over/getting him in. Why waste a bunt on an out when you’ve got sluggers like Victor Caratini and Tristan Gray coming up?
A 1-2-3 inning for rookie Mike Paredes. I’m sure that Derek Shelton gave somebody in the media the standard speech about how he doesn’t care about the Twins’ sad history against the Yankees; how the players are different now and he doesn’t believe in curses. I’ve heard it from Gardy and from Molitor and Rocco. They all got their butts beat by the Yankees anyways. It’s a fact of life, like ear hair increasing when you’re older.
3: A 1-2-3 for Gerrit Cole, followed by a rain delay. “Other” radio guy Dan Gladden interviews former player Terry Pendleton, who was with St. Louis when they lost to the Twins in the 1987 World Series, and with Atlanta when they lost to the Twins in 1991. Pendleton was actually with three other World Series-losing teams; St. Louis in 1985, Atlanta in ‘92 and ‘96. Looks like Terry Pendleton was cursed. Not as cursed as the Twins against the Yankees, though.
An hour later, Trent Grisham hits a two-out grounder that bounces off third base, and then Ben Rice hits a fly ball that bounces off the hands of the fan who tries to catch it in the outfield seats.
Then Jasson Domínguez singles and steals, then Cody Bellinger walks. Bring the Yankees’ best non-Judge hitter, Luke Goldschimdt, to the plate. Fortunately, he strikes out, but Paredes threw a lot of extra pitches in that inning. Yankees 3-1
4: Clemens with a leadoff double. Do you think the Twins will move him over this time? Sorry, but NO TEAM does that anymore. It doesn’t matter, because mighty slugger Victor Caratini (.711 OPS) gets the two-out RBI!
Paredes up to 81 pitches plus a rain delay. Done? Anyways, fine here, Yankee Highlanders 3-2
5: A one-out double for Luke Keaschall. Alas, no mighty slugger Caratini available here. Cole at 88 pitches.
Time for Derek’s Magical Arm Barn, Kody Funderburk your first sorcerer. It actually goes fairly smoothly, so far.
6: The Yankees bringing out their own bullpen, too, starting with legendary ex-Twin Brent Headrick. he dispatches the Twins easily. Incidentally, Ryan Jeffers made a rehab start for the Saints tonight and went 2-4. Matt Wallner has a .947 OPS in his 40 games since being demoted.
More smoothness for Funderburk, he’s pitching with Charmin.
7: Paul Blackburn for NYY. He is not related to Nick “gave up that one homer to Thome in Game 163” Blackburn.
New necromancer Eric Orze for the Twins. He immediately gives up the leadoff double and RBI; the RBIer, José Caballero, steals second and is bunted to third. He then scores on a sac fly. See, Twins? It’s possible to bunt a runner over with nobody out and then score! I’m just saying! Team that’s not the Knicks 5-2
8: Luke Keaschall gets a lucky-as-heck single off new reliever Fernando Cruz. Then Trevor Larnach walks. Then Brooks Lee out, Clemens out, Josh Bell walk… Royce Lewis up. Easy roller to third. Nice cRISPy LOBsters. (At one point during the Lee AB, a pitched ball went in the dirt and Larnach had a good break on it… but Keaschall didn’t. Getting one or two runs this inning wouldn’t have been enough, anyways.)
Derek Shelton is now taking the team aside and explaining, “all that stuff I said about there being no curse… it’s all a lie, the Yankees will own the Twins until the end of recorded time, abandon all hope ye who enter here.” Eric Orze says “OK” and, no longer trying, actually does fine.
9: Yawn, David Bednar strikes out the side. Twins lose.
Once again, Yankee Stadium is a haunted house that eats up all the Twins. Like this one.
Studs: Clemens (2-4, HR, 2B), Keaschall (2-3), Funderburk (2.0 IP, o H, 0 BB, 2 K). Duds: Every other Twin for being, as always, seized by The Fear when they enter the building
COTG go to Goose for recalling feudalism (which is more what Renaissance Fairs celebrate than they actually celebrate the Renaissance), norff for standing by his radio sensei, and nagurski for his water-making feelings.. Thanks to everybody who participated in the GT, I know things went south after the rain delay.
Tomorrow’s game is at 12:35, featuring our own Eric Orze against the dreaded, mysterious TBA. (A minor-league callup; Carlos Rodon went on the IL today.) Catch y’all next time!
